Creative Mind Soul Sessions

Love and The Courageous Heart - Part 2

March 28, 2020 Debra Berndt Maldonado & Robert Maldonado, PhD. — Life Coach Training & Personal Transformation Experts. Season 2 Episode 5
Creative Mind Soul Sessions
Love and The Courageous Heart - Part 2
Chapters
Creative Mind Soul Sessions
Love and The Courageous Heart - Part 2
Mar 28, 2020 Season 2 Episode 5
Debra Berndt Maldonado & Robert Maldonado, PhD. — Life Coach Training & Personal Transformation Experts.

What does it mean to be open-hearted? Does it take courage to truly love in a deep, intimate way? We explore three important questions in love and relationships:

1. What is Love?
2. Why do we keep repeating the same patterns in relationships
3. How do we cultivate a courageous heart

This extra-long episode is split into two parts. This is Part Two where we explore deeper into relationship patterns and the imprints that cause us to repeat the same heartache over and over. How to use heartache to open yourself up to divine love.

We also discuss what it means to see someone from a divine place v. ego-attraction. How to cultivate the awareness of your true self in relationships.

If you want to learn more about working with the Love Shadow, sign up for our free introductory class here:
https://creativelove.lpages.co/alt-sign-up-for-intro-to-empower-your-relationships-for-love/

Show Notes Transcript

What does it mean to be open-hearted? Does it take courage to truly love in a deep, intimate way? We explore three important questions in love and relationships:

1. What is Love?
2. Why do we keep repeating the same patterns in relationships
3. How do we cultivate a courageous heart

This extra-long episode is split into two parts. This is Part Two where we explore deeper into relationship patterns and the imprints that cause us to repeat the same heartache over and over. How to use heartache to open yourself up to divine love.

We also discuss what it means to see someone from a divine place v. ego-attraction. How to cultivate the awareness of your true self in relationships.

If you want to learn more about working with the Love Shadow, sign up for our free introductory class here:
https://creativelove.lpages.co/alt-sign-up-for-intro-to-empower-your-relationships-for-love/

spk_0:   0:03
Welcome to Creative Mind Living a podcast for Personal Growth, based on the works of Karl Young neuroscience and Eastern philosophies, were your hosts. Debra Barone Maldonado and Dr Rob Maldonado, founders of Creative Mind coaching This'd Part Two of Love and the Courageous Heart. If you miss part one, go back to Part one. Here we are continuing the conversation

spk_1:   0:31
in this kind of true relationship. You're able to grow because you're able to get in touch with that deeper, true self in you. Not just the ego persona, right, because love opens you up to that possibility of transcending the ego,

spk_0:   0:51
and we've all felt it when we were dating or in a new relationship. It's like the emotions overwhelm the mind. And then we get into ego when we get in very reactionary, and there's a lot of passion there, and it's great, but we're not like balance sometimes, and we're thinking with the head were moving with our heart, and a lot of our our ego basically takes over, um, the decision making process, and it will make the decisions based on security, survival. And how do I keep my heart close, you know, not open it too much and protect myself. And so that keeps people at that distance. And so when we think about, um, the heart, the courageous heart, what is that, Um, what would we do to change? Yeah, And how do we get there

spk_1:   1:39
that you have to work with

spk_0:   1:41
you? Well, first of all, the courageous heart doesn't mean that you have armor on and that you're out there fighting a battle. The courageous heart means you drop the armor and you see that there's no fear. There's no harm to be No one can ever really hurt the true true me and a lot of people ask me How come you How did you get? You know, everything you wanted in the career, that relationship And I always say I never gave up and it's because every time I had a disappointment, sure, it's like the tendency to shut down our heart. The ego's a tendency is to kind of shut down. Be careful, pull back. We've all done it. But the courageous heart is it stays open. It stays open to knowing that there's no threat. That really is truly no one's going to kill you, Do you know if you get your heart broke like, um, they're only reason we're heartbroken is because we gave them permission to We had to have that understanding.

spk_1:   2:39
Yeah. I mean, part of it is understanding that the pain ah, is it's inherent in in love, right? We all know that if I if I love this person and I allow that in my heart to be open to them, there's a There's a type of suffering involved already because you're going to experience kind of what they're experiencing, and you're going to take on their burdens. Become your burden.

spk_0:   3:13
Yeah, like their emotion. If you can't, you're not comfortable with your own emotions and the upsets that you have. Why bring someone else in? It's like a tornado coming into your home. Why bring that into? Because they're gonna have their feelings. And And so I think a lot of people are more comfortable in their bubble, and they say they don't like to be. They want to find someone, but they kind of like being alone because they don't have to deal with. They can't even deal with their own emotions. Meanwhile, deal with other people. Is that what you're saying this?

spk_1:   3:40
Yeah, part of it. Part of it is lost, Right? Because why do we hold up back? Because we're afraid of loss, right? That What if this person rejects me or leaves me or all that stuff? Well, losses inherent in it again because none of us are gonna live forever.

spk_0:   3:57
I know in the fall when I think about you dying.

spk_1:   4:01
Ah, but that's part of the deal right there.

spk_0:   4:03
Yeah.

spk_1:   4:03
If you want to experience ah, that transcendent love in the human form, you're going to have to accept that inevitable loss in the sense that it's it's part of it, in a sense that you you're

spk_0:   4:19
like, you're dealing with the devil. You know, you signed out the blood that I fall in love with this person. And I know one day you're gonna be gone, and I'm gonna have to live my life without you.

spk_1:   4:29
Yes, but But it also it also proves that that love Israel, in a sense, because you're saying I understand that, but I'm still

spk_0:   4:40
I'm signing up. Yeah, spill in. It's like a soldier going to battle, knowing that they're gonna maybe they're going to die, but they're gonna because they love because of the journey, is the other purposes much greater? And that's really I think, that come tap a courageous heart. We need to know what our purpose is for love. And if our purpose is to for survive, we're going to settle for a relationship that's mediocre. We're not at all because we feel like it's a threat to our survival if we get heartbroken again. So, um, what do you Ah, Woody, What is it? The courage. How do we cultivate that courage? And, you know, a lot of times people when they start facing the shadow work, you know, you know, love attraction stuff is great and it's really nice and light and you can think positive. But then when we do the shadow work, it kind of gets to, um, a place where people, that's where people start to resist. Um, and the resistance is that fear of what's in the shadow. It's stuff we pushed away. So of course, the ego is going to continue to defend against it. And Young says it takes great courage to face your own shadow, and that's really what the Creator's heart is to face the parts of ourselves that we've pushed away that are too light into dark for society and face ourselves and really come to know who we really are. And it's a beautiful journey, but the eagle will resist. And so we need to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. What would you say to someone who resist the shadow work?

spk_1:   6:15
I like the the idea of cultivating and because it is very much like we're cultivating a garden, Uh, we have the seeds. We all have the seed of love of the divine potential in us, but you have to cultivate. It's not going to grow if you don't pay attention to it, if you don't care for if you don't provide the conditions for its growth. So that's why we have this incredible consciousness, because we're able to determine what are. The conditions were that I need to to grow that divinity within me, that that love that spirituality, and you have to ask yourself, honestly, what is it that I conduce you? Given my current situation, my history, my tendencies, all that stuff to cultivate that openness thing? Courageous heart?

spk_0:   7:11
Well, you know what I think I see is that, um the way we're with ourselves is the way we're gonna be in relationship. So if you pull back or you get triggered because of criticism, or you get, uh, you get hurt or you interpret something as criticism that's coming from inside of you. And so it's about being with yourself and not pushing yourself away. You know, I remember when I was, um, first starting doing my journey. Someone had said to me, It's like this part of you that you just want to get rid of like that insecure Debbie. I want to just get rid of her. She is no room in my life. I don't like her. She screws up my love life. She's bad. You know, the parts like, you know, you get mad at yourself and you're just kind of like, I don't want to be like that anymore, where someone accuses you of something and you're just like triggered, and you know that it's true in a way. Ah, but you don't realize it. That's being intimate with yourself and being courageous toe. Look at those judgments that those labels that we that we've given that we kind of judge ourselves by and realize that it's a battle within ourselves that we're really dealing with. Like you said, the yardstick we measure others, we measure ourselves. So when we're in a relationship are really just it's an inner battle and it so many times when I've done chateau work, I remember just being like projecting, projecting, projecting that person so badly. And then I realized, Oh my God, it's me, I'm fighting. I'm fighting an idea that you know this I'm perceiving that this person says I'm not good enough and I'm fighting that person. How dare they? But really, I'm fighting my own fear of not being good enough. And so we have to kind of come inside and face that yucky feeling and B and see that it's not riel and that's really where we free our mind. Otherwise, if we don't free it, we're going to keep projecting it out there and people are gonna we're gonna miss Reed people their interpretation of us as it's really what we feel about ourselves and s o I. I feel like it's that's really create. The courage comes is to go inside and face those parts that we push away the insecurity, the angry, the jealous, the the feeling not good enough. The fears that we have is to face them, head on and be be strong with ourselves and love ourselves. And that way, not at like a pinky soft. A little late. I love, but really a truly like It's okay, like seeing it is neutral. It's doesn't define me. If I act silly one day or act cold one day, it doesn't define me. What defines me is my soul, which is has never been harmed by the human experience. Yeah, and so that's where shadow work I think in it, in a nutshell, really helps, you see, is that you see this illusion of this image of yourself that you're kind of trying to keep up, and you see that it's just a facade. It's not even it's not real. It's so thin, like paper, and you've been defending it your whole life. And then you realize, Oh my God, there's this other pony that's like, so great and so powerful that I'm not even letting out because I'm too soo busy keeping this paper mache a part of me up propping it up.

spk_1:   10:22
Yeah, I think a lot of you would interpret that self love as polishing up the persona.

spk_0:   10:28
That little paper making it thicker, maybe year, Yeah, replaying it.

spk_1:   10:32
But the self in self love is really the higher self. Yeah, you're the that the divine colonel in you that you need to cultivate on dhe, having the courage to go where it leads you because often it leads you into what, from the ego you perceive is this scary stuff, right? Leads you into unknown parts of yourself. And you have to be willing to follow that boys and really listen to it and open a it in a sense.

spk_0:   11:08
So the courageous heart is really you taking on yourself the journey of personal development herself. Individual ation. Basically, it's that that how do I, uh, see my patterns not judge myself for them, but men transcend outside of them without trying to fix myself. And it's kind of a tight rope because we have the tendency to judge it is wrong. The pattern. And so the first step is to realize that what you're seeing is a projection in love. The second step is to understand that projection is reflecting your patterns. And then the third step is to do the shadow work. So you can really, really have a direct experience now. Ah, lot of you are listening to this and saying, Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I I I just need to come from my true self. You can't come through it by listening just to us. Talk about it. You have to do the shadow work. You have to, um, you know that you face the shadow. If you've been extremely uncomfortable where you are, like it's very, it's a height, heightened emotional experience and then it's It's like, um, it's a force almost like a that brake shoe free. It's like indescribable. It's not something where you have an insight and oh, I feel better. And now I understand my patterns. It's not like that happy, little feathery insight. It's more like a powerful, like you feel your whole body shift. I mean, a lot of our clients would say that. I mean, we see them and they look different after they do it, like their physical changes in their face, the stress and their face goes away. They're glowing in there It's almost like that little pent up persona that they've been trying to hold on is finally let go. And then the true show itself starts to shine, and that's where you really attractive to someone and you're courageous. You're not worried. You're not propping up that paper machine you anymore. You're saying this is who I am, but it's not about an intellectual understanding. It's really through the shadow work and and we recommend coaching. You have to get you get someone. We have plenty of coaches that we trained in our coach training. Ah, we have our mentors here, Robin. I do it. It really is worth the time. Because how much longer do you want to keep repeating the patterns?

spk_1:   13:28
Yeah, and it seems to be our our destiny, right? We we incarnate, in essence, too, challenge ourselves through this process. And if we don't do it, it's like we're missing the opportunity that we've been giving, you know, in Buddhism, they talk about this precious human life. Why is it so precious? Well, it's because we have this opportunity to to really face. That's the scary stuff in us, and two integrated right to see that it's it's really us that we've been hiding from and running from.

spk_0:   14:04
Yeah, it's almost like the more discomfort you could face about yourself look like turn the mirror inside, the more you will love yourself. It was a lot of people run away from that. They run and and, you know, I've seen a lot of people who come to us, and then they go off and do like a simpler love attraction kind of coaching. And then they come back and I'm like, Okay, that didn't get me anywhere. They waited a year and they come back in it. Your ego will resist this. The eagle will resist working with the Shadow because it takes courage. Now you have to ask yourself, Are you courageous? Are you willing to, um, face yourself in a really deep way? Because the deeper you can dig within yourself, the deeper love you'll be ableto have, the more the more they connected you'll feel to someone else in your life. If you keep it on the surface and you're that paper mushy you that we've all been conditioned to be that relationship that you meet you. You see this with your family and friends. They're distracted there watching Netflix there. You know you're not thinking about personal development and they live that kind of They don't have those deep conversations and the VA zest for life, that that passion for spiritual work And, you know, understanding deeper concepts and reading poetry and the richness that life is. And that's really what it is. It's a journey within that keeps you, um, keeps life more interesting while we're here. I mean, and then to share that with someone else is really amazing. So, um, so that's Ah, that's Ah, the courageous heart is to understand that love is already inside of you, that it is not a romantic love, but it's more of a divine self reflection. We have patterns that the ego created based on early experience with their mother, and then carried on through life looking for it outside of us, trying to reclaim, like we keep looking for ourselves or divine self in everything and money and career and love, and we're just chasing this carrot. But when it's really inside of us, so when we have a heartbreak, it gives us an opportunity to say, OK, wait a minute Let me look inside. Let me let me turn around and stop grasping out there. Let me start grasping inside. Let me look inside Let me dig inside. And can you imagine having that much passion for chasing? Love is you're chasing yourself chasing your spirit Imagine that like search being so important that you're you die for it You know you're hungry for that And that's really what we want is the passion We went for those material things We want to turn it to a passion toward our own To self discovery.

spk_1:   16:51
Absolutely. We wanna attend to it. We want to pay attention on DDE. Create the conditions for its growth for our own growth.

spk_0:   17:02
So what questions do you have? Well, a year. Let's see. Interesting Common The name of the fish that builds the mandala that the sands attractive mate. I don't know that, but that's a beautiful fish.

spk_1:   17:12
Yeah, I saw that video. It's incredible. Ah, sand Mandala video creates,

spk_0:   17:16
right? Yeah, and that's really what it is. It's that you don't have to chase it. You have to um of course, you have to take action, but you have you attract with the mandala the person you are will attract uh, the mates that you attract. There'll be a reflection of what's in your mind. Um, I don't see any questions. I think we're everyone's just kind of thinking about their journey. So, uh, we'll be posting in the group. We'll see you at the seven. Spiritually loss. Seven. Spiritual principles. You don't like Los Legal, huh? And we'll have the next session on Monday. Module number three. We'll talk about emotional wisdom and ah, and then we'll have another another section on Thursday. So we're really excited to see you, um, in the program with a rich topic. Um, we love you and you deserve great left. And just remember, be courageous. There's nothing bad can happen. It's like you just be willing to just put yourself out there.

spk_1:   18:25
The poet ah Border has said, Ah, one thing will never regret in life is being courageous.

spk_0:   18:32
Okay, I like it. I like it. You're welcome. Everyone turn inward. We'll see you on the flip side. Take care