Love and The Courageous Heart - Part 2

What does it mean to be open-hearted? Does it take courage to truly love in a deep, intimate way? We explore three important questions in love and relationships:

1. What is Love?
2. Why do we keep repeating the same patterns in relationships
3. How do we cultivate a courageous heart

This extra-long episode is split into two parts. This is Part Two where we explore deeper into relationship patterns and the imprints that cause us to repeat the same heartache over and over. How to use heartache to open yourself up to divine love.

We also discuss what it means to see someone from a divine place v. ego-attraction. How to cultivate the awareness of your true self in relationships.

If you want to learn more about working with the Love Shadow, sign up for our free introductory class here:
https://creativelove.lpages.co/alt-sign-up-for-intro-to-empower-your-relationships-for-love/

•••

Interested in Jungian Life Coaching? Download your free program brochure: https://www.creativemindlife.com/program-brochure

Stay Connected with Debra and Dr. Rob:
Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube | Facebook | creativemindlife.com | connect@creativemindmethod.com

Transcript

Love and the Courageous Heart Part 2

SPEAKERS

Debra Maldonado, Robert Maldonado

Debra Maldonado  00:03

Welcome to creative mind living, a podcast for personal growth based on the works of Carl young neuroscience and Eastern philosophies. We're your hosts Debra Barrett Maldonado. And Dr. Rob Maldonado, founders of creative mind coaching. This is part two of love and the courageous heart. If you missed part one, go back to part one. Here we are continuing the conversation in this kind of true relationship. You're able to grow because you're able to get in touch with that deeper true self in you. Not just the the ego persona but right because love opens you up to that possibility of transcending the ego. And we've all felt it when we when we're dating or in a new relationship. It's like the emotions overwhelm the mind and then we get into ego when we get Very reactionary. And there's a lot of passion there. And it's great. But we're not like balanced. Sometimes when we're thinking with our head, we're moving with our heart. And a lot of our our ego basically takes over the decision making process, and it'll make the decisions based on security, survival, and how do I keep my heart closed, you know, not open it too much. and protect myself. And so that keeps people at that distance. And so when we think about the heart, the courageous heart, what is that? What would we do to change? Yeah. And how do we get there?

Robert Maldonado  01:39

Yeah, yeah. happy to work with you.

Debra Maldonado  01:42

Well, first of all, courageous heart doesn't mean that you have armor on and that you're out there fighting a battle. The courageous heart means you drop the armor. And you see that there's no fear. There's no harm to be no one can ever really hurt the true true me. A lot of people ask me, How come you How did you get you know, everything you wanted in the career, that relationship? And I always say I never gave up and it's because every time I had a disappointment, sure, it's like the tendency to shut down our heart. The egos a tendency is to kind of shut down, be careful pullback. We've all done it. But the courageous heart is it stays open, it stays open to knowing that there's no threat, there really is truly, no one's going to kill you. You know, if you get your heart broken, like the only reason we're heartbroken is because we gave them permission to we under have that understanding.

Robert Maldonado  02:39

Yeah, I mean, it. Part of it is understanding that the pain is its inherent in in love. Mm hmm. Right. We all know that. If I, if I love this person, and I allow that's in my heart to be open to them. There's There's a type of suffering involved already because you're going to experience kind of what they're experiencing. And you're you're going to take on their burdens become your burden. Yeah,

Debra Maldonado  03:13

like their emotion if you can't you're not comfortable with your own emotions and upsets that you have, why bring someone else in like a tornado coming into your home? Why bring that into because they're gonna have their feelings and, and so I think a lot of people are more comfortable in their bubble. And they say that they don't like to be they want to find someone but they kind of like being alone because they don't have to deal with they can't even deal with their own emotions, meanwhile, deal with other people. Is that what you're saying is

Robert Maldonado  03:40

Yeah, part of it part of it is loss. Right? Because why do we hold them back? Because we're afraid of loss? Yeah, right. That what if this person rejects me or leaves me or all that stuff? Mm hmm. Well, loss is inherent in it again, because none of us are going to live forever. I know in the fall when I think about you But that's part of the deal. Right? That Yeah, if you want to experience that transcendent love in the human form, you're going to have to accept that inevitable loss in the sense that it's it's part of it in a sense that you're you're like

Debra Maldonado  04:19

dealing with the Devil You Know, you sign up with blood that I fall in love with this person and I know one day you're gonna be gone and I'm gonna have to live my life without you.

Robert Maldonado  04:29

Yes, baby, but it also it also proves that love is real innocent. Yeah, cuz you're saying I understand that but I'm still signing up. Yeah, still in.

Debra Maldonado  04:42

It's like a soldier going in battle knowing that they're going to maybe they're going to die but they're going to because they love the because of the journey is or their purpose is much greater. And that's really I think that come to have a courageous heart. We need to know what our purpose is for love. And if our purpose is to survive, we're going to settle for a relationship that's mediocre or not at all because we feel like it's a threat to our survival if we get heartbroken again. So, what do you what is it? The courage? How do we cultivate that courage and, you know, a lot of times, people when they start facing the Shadow Work, you know, you know, law of attraction stuff is great and it's really nice and light and you can think positive. But then when we do the Shadow Work, it kind of gets to a place where people that's where people start to resist. And the resistance is that fear of what's in the shadow. It's stuff we pushed away, so of course, the ego is going to continue to defend against it. And Jung says it takes great courage to face your own shadow. And that's really what the courageous heart is to face the parts of ourselves that we've pushed away, that are too light into dark for society and face ourselves and they really come to know who we really are. And it's a beautiful journey, but the ego will resist. And so we need to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. What would you say to someone who resists the Shadow Work?

Robert Maldonado  06:15

I like the, the idea of cultivating because it is very much like we're cultivating a garden. We have the seeds, we all have the seed of love, the divine potential in us, but you have to cultivate it, it's not going to grow if you don't pay attention to it if you don't care for it if you don't provide the conditions for its growth. So that's why we have this incredible consciousness because we're able to determine what are the conditions for that I need to grow that divinity within me that that love that spirituality? And you have to ask yourself, honestly, what is it that I can do? Given my current situation, my history, my tendencies, all that stuff, to cultivate that openness and courageous heart.

Debra Maldonado  07:10

Well, you know, what I think I see is that the way we're with ourselves is the way we're going to be in relationship. So if you pull back or you get triggered because of criticism, or you get you get hurt, or you interpret something as criticism that's coming from inside of you. And so it's about being with yourself and not pushing yourself away. You know, I remember when I was first started doing my journey. Someone had said to me, it's like this part of you that you just want to get rid of like that insecure, Debbie. I want to just get rid of her. She is no room in my life. I don't like her. She screws up my love life. She's bad. I you know, the parts like, you know, you get mad at yourself. And you're just kind of like, I don't want to be like that anymore or someone accuses you of something and you're just like triggered and you know that it's true in a way. But you don't realize it that's being intimate with yourself and being courageous to look at those judgments at those labels that we, that we've given that we kind of judge ourselves by, and realize that it's a battle within ourselves that we're really dealing with, like you said, the yardstick we measure others, we measure ourselves. So when we're in a relationship, we're really just, it's an inner battle. And so many times when I've done Shadow Work, I remember just being like, projecting, projecting, projecting that person so badly, but and then I realized, Oh, my God, it's me, I'm fighting. I'm fighting an idea that, you know, this, I'm perceiving that this person says, I'm not good enough. And I'm fighting that person and how dare they, but really, I'm fighting my own fear of not being good enough. And so we have to kind of come inside and face that yucky feeling and be and see that it's not real. And that's really where we free our mind. Otherwise, if we don't free it, we're going to keep projecting it out there. And people are going to we're going to miss read people, their interpretation of us as it's really what we feel about ourselves. And so I feel like it's that's really courage the courage comes is to go inside and face those parts that we push away the insecurity the angry the jealous the feeling not good enough the fears that we have is to face them head on and be be strong with ourselves and love ourselves in that way. Not like us, Pinkie, soft, a little light, love, but really a truly like it's okay like seeing it as neutral. It doesn't define me if I act silly one day or act cold one day, it doesn't define me which defines me as my soul which is has never been harmed by the human experience. Yeah. And so that's where Shadow Work, I think in a nutshell really helps you see is that you see this illusion of this image of yourself that you're kind of trying to keep up And you see that it's just a facade. It's not even it's not real. It's so thin like paper, and you've been defending it your whole life. And then you realize, oh my god, there's this other knee. That's like so great. And so powerful that I'm not even letting out because I'm too busy keeping this paper mush a part of me up, propping it up.

Robert Maldonado  10:22

Yeah, I think a lot of people interpret that self love as polishing up the persona

Debra Maldonado  10:28

of paper making it thicker, maybe or Yeah, repainting it,

Robert Maldonado  10:32

but the self in self love is really the higher self. Yeah. That that, that divine kernel in you, that you need to cultivate and having the courage to go where it leads you. Because often it leads you into what from the ego you perceive as the scary stuff, right? It leads you into unknown part. to yourself, and you have to be willing to follow that voice and really listen to it and obey it in a sense.

Debra Maldonado  11:08

So the courageous heart is really you taking on yourself, the journey of personal development or self individuation, basically it's that, that how do I see my patterns, not judge myself for them, but men transcend outside of them without trying to fix myself. And it's kind of a tightrope, because we have the tendency to judge it as wrong the pattern. And so the first step is to realize that what you're seeing is a projection in love. The second step is to understand that projection is reflecting your patterns. And then the third step is to do the shadow work so you can really, really have a direct experience. Now. A lot of you are listening to this and saying, Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I, I just need to come from my true self. You can't come through it by listening Just to talk about it, you have to do the shadow work you have to, you know that you face the shadow. If you've been extremely uncomfortable, where you are like, it's a very it's a heightened emotional experience. And then it's like, it's a force almost like a, that breaks you free. It's like indescribable. It's not something where you have an insight and oh, I feel better. And now I understand my patterns. It's not like that happy, little feathery insight. It's more like a powerful like, you feel your whole body shift. I mean, a lot of our clients would say that. I mean, we see them and they look different after they do it. Like their physical changes in their face, the stress in their face goes away, they're glowing and they're, it's almost like that little pent up persona that they've been trying to hold on is finally let go and then the true shot, self starts to shine. And that's where you're really attractive to someone and you're courageous. You're not worried. You're not proud. Wrapping up that paper Michelle, you anymore. You're saying, This is who I am. But it's not about an intellectual understanding. It's really through the Shadow Work. And and we recommend coaching you have to get you get someone we have plenty of coaches that we trained in our coach training. We have our mentors here. Robin, I do it. It really is worth the time. Because How much longer do you want to keep repeating the patterns?

Robert Maldonado  13:28

Yeah, and, and it seems to be our, our destiny, right? We we incarnate in essence to challenge ourselves through this process. And if we don't do it, it's like we're missing the opportunity that that we've been giving. You know, in Buddhism, they talk about this precious human life. Why is it so precious? Well, it's because we have this opportunity to really face the scary stuff in us and to integrate it right See that it's it's really us that we've been hiding from and running from.

Debra Maldonado  14:04

Yeah, it's almost like the more discomfort you can face about yourself and look at like, turn the mirror inside, the more you will love yourself. A lot of people run away from that they run they run. And you know, I've seen a lot of people who come to us and then they go off and do like a simpler law of attraction kind of coaching and then they come back and they're like, okay, that didn't get me anywhere. They waited a year, and they come back and it your ego will resist this, the ego will resist working with the shadow, because it takes courage. Now you have to ask yourself, are you courageous? Are you willing to face yourself in a real deep way because the deeper you can dig within yourself, the deeper love you'll be able to have, the more the more connected you'll feel to someone else in your life. If you keep it on the surface, and you're In that paper, Michelle, you that we've all been conditioned to be that relationship that you meet, you see this with your family and friends, they're distracted, they're watching Netflix, they're, you know, not even thinking about personal development. And they live that kind of, they don't have those deep conversations and that zest for life, that, that passion for spiritual work and you know, understanding deeper concepts and reading poetry and richness that life is, and that's really what it is. It's that journey within that keeps you keeps life more interesting while we're here. I mean, and then to share that with someone else is really amazing. So, so that's a, that's a the courageous heart is to understand that love is already inside of you. That it is not romantic love, but it's more of a divine self reflection. We have patterns that the ego created based on early experience. With our mother and then carried on through life looking for it outside of us trying to reclaim like, we keep looking for ourselves, our divine self in everything and money and career and love. And we're just chasing this carrot but when it's really inside of us, so when we have a heartbreak, it gives us an opportunity to say, Okay, wait a minute, let me look inside. Let me let me turn around and stop grasping out there. Let me start grasping inside. Let me look inside. Let me dig inside. And can you imagine having that much passion for chasing love is you're chasing yourself chasing your spirit. Imagine that like search being so important that you're you're you die for it, you know, you're hungry for that. And that's really what we want is the passion we want for those material things. We want to turn it to a passion toward our own to self discovery.

Robert Maldonado  16:51

Absolutely. We want to attend to it. We want to pay attention and create the conditions for its growth. For our own growth.

Debra Maldonado  17:02

So what questions do you have? While we're here? Let's see interesting comment, the name of the fish that builds the Mandela, that the sands attracted me. I don't know that but that's a beautiful fish. Yeah.

Robert Maldonado  17:12

So the video, it's an incredible sand Mandela that he creates. Yeah. And

Debra Maldonado  17:17

that's really what it is. It's that you don't have to chase it. You have to, of course you have to take action but you have, you'll attract what the Mandela that the person you are will attract the mates that you attract. There'll be a reflection of what's in your mind. I don't see any questions. I think we're everyone's just kind of thinking about their journey. So we'll be posting in the group. We'll see you at the seven spiritual laws, seven spiritual principles. You don't like loss legal. And we'll have the next session on Monday module number three We'll talk about emotional wisdom. And and then we'll have another another section on Thursday. So we're really excited to see you in the program with a rich topic. We love you, and you deserve great love and just remember, be courageous. There's nothing bad can happen. It's like you just be willing to just put yourself out there.

Robert Maldonado  18:25

The poet boat is one thing we'll never regret in life is being courageous. Okay.

Debra Maldonado  18:33

I like it. I like it. You're welcome, everyone turn inward. We'll see you on the flip side. Take care.